Wednesday, February 6, 2008

10 - Ear Thingies


Hey Bud! How’s it going? I’ve been really busy this week working on…Oops! Sorry! I didn’t mean to interrupt you. Wait. Who are you talking to? Are you talking to me? I’m confused. Are you on the phone?

Blog: Um. I’M confused.

Sorry. It’s just that your lips weren’t moving so I thought you were wearing that Ear Thingy as a foundation for your self-confidence. Ha! Before you get all pissed at me for raining all over your charade, let me clarify: I like Ear Thingies. Ear Thingies are good. Ear Thingies make it possible for you to drive, talk on the phone AND chew gum at the same time. You go girl! (or boy)

Blog: I’m a boy.

No you're not. You’re an androgynous collection of 1’s and 0’s, Pal. Simply created for my own amusement and completely controlled by the power of my will.

Blog: I think therefore I am.

Blog, sometimes you're just a distraction. I was trying to confront the ridiculous behavior of people who wear the Ear Thingy. Will someone please explain this phenomenon?

A phone is a device you use and hold to yourself when in use. You don’t leave it hanging on your ear indefinitely just IN CASE you get a call. That’s stupid. It would be like leaving a roll of TP in my butt crack just because I MIGHT need to go to the bathroom at some point. Maybe I should carry around a stapler on the off chance I run into a stack of loose, unorganized papers today.



Imagine we lived our lives with this mentality. Everyone around us would be a walking junk drawer, and by trying to be prepared for every contingency, we'd revert to being useless. So ultimately we’d be breaking the Golden Rule, which states, “Be useful unto your neighbor so he can be useful unto you, and don’t wear Ear Thingies when you aren’t on the phone.”



Seriously though, I don't keep my keys in my hand all day in case I might go for a drive. That's why God invented pants with pockets. So take off your Ear Thingy. Leave it in your pocket or your purse, or clip it on your belt. By all means put it on when you need it, but then quickly and with much stealth, remove it and stow it properly when finished.

Somebody should fix that.


Blog: To be or not to be? That is the question.