Friday, September 25, 2009

15 - Airline Industry - Part 2 (FAA Regulations)

Every month I travel approximately 10K miles via airplane. Not to toot my own horn, but I would consider myself an experienced traveller. Toot. Oops. I meant to not do that.
What I have come to realize from my vast experience, is that FAA Regulations have been written by some whiny little turd-ball tattle-tail who probably got beaten up as a kid, or by someone who has a very small penis.

Blog: That's kind of inappropriate and sexist. What if it was a woman?

Before you start crying about my rudeness, let me explain. My frustration is all about PEDs, or Portable Electronic Devices. Can I ask you a question? Good, because I'm going to. How many plane wrecks have you heard about that were caused by Portable Electronic Devices? None. That's how many.

Ok. I'll give you the two-way radios, and talking on the cell phone. That MIGHT interfere with communication equipment. But give me a break. Ebooks, ipods, laptops, noise cancelling headphones, Gameboys, calculators.
"Anything with an on and off switch."
It's bull-crap and you know it. And THEY know it. It's a power trip, plain and simple. They love coming by and spying my Kindle turned on. They get all excited like it's Christmas morning. AHA!!! Caught you, you little cheater! They probably keep a tally in the back and whoever gets the most points at the end of the day wins the pile of treasure they found in the seatback pockets.

Blog: I don't think they really...

And speaking of seatback pockets, I'm not allowed to keep ANYTHING in them! What the hell are they for?? And where am I supposed to keep my water bottle, Kindle, M&Ms, sweatshirt, shoes, aerosol cans, nail clippers...?
My guess is that all this precaution is to keep us safe in the event of a crash. Come on! We're going to be squashed! Who cares if my laptop was on, or my tray table was down, or my seatback was not in the "upright position"?

Blog: It's for YOUR safety and the safety of those around you.

Safety!? You drive to work in your car full of unsecured projectiles strewn about, eating a bacon double-cheese buffet, and talking on your cell phone (using your ear thingy, of course) while texting, and you're going to lecture me about safety?
That's what I thought. So. I leave my cell phone turned on for the entire flight, and I turn my Kindle on as soon as the flight attendants are done with their spying. It's my own small rebellion. When I die in a fiery plane crash, you'll know why.
It was the damned Kindle. (Or the cell phone. Maybe my watch? It's electronic...)

Somebody should fix that.